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[04 Jun 2005|03:31pm] |
i have a new livejournal, as of 6 months ago. if you're slow and missed that, add me
xilovebroccolix
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[24 Jan 2005|04:41pm] |
i have a new journal. i'm not going to use this one anymore.
add it!
xilovebroccolix
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| the new routine |
[23 Jan 2005|02:23pm] |
for most of you this will be boring, but for the few.. here's what i'm up to in the home gym now...
i'm doing a 3 day split (with lower body focused cardio on off days)
day 1. legs and abs
(this is all -- obviously -- weighted)
squats 3 x 10-12
lunges 3 x 10
sumo style deadlift 3 x 8-10
calf raise 3 x 10
crunches 3 x 20
swiss ball situps 2 x 10
lower leg raises (for lower abs) 3 x 10
day 2. chest, shoulders, triceps
bench press 3 x 10
peck flies 3 x 10
dumbell shoulder press 3 x 10
tricep kickback 3 x 8-10
tri extension 3 x 8 -10
front raise 3 x 10-12
side raise 3 x 10-12
seated rear lateral raise 3 x 10-12
day 3. back, biceps
deadlift 3 x 8
laying row 3 x 8-10
bicep curl 2 x 8-10
concentration curls 2 x 8-10
abs
goals:
bulk arms/chest
work on lower body strength
lower body fat
gain 10-12 lbs muscle
for those of you who lift, how's this all sound? any suggestions?
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[22 Jan 2005|12:22am] |
i'm a moody person to start with, and right now i'm PMSing. i get REALLY severe PMS. i spent a good part of my day weeping (sometimes the tears were accompanied by an annoyed, "i have no idea why i'm crying, ughhh i hate hormonal cycles!") i'm totally unable to deal with anything today. nothing emotional, nothing physical, i just want to lay around. but instead, here's what happened:
- i found david's profile on myspace. there was a picture of two kittens playing with the caption "so cute" underneath it. i sent him a message that said, "if cats are so cute, why did you abandon yours?"
(for those not in the know, david is my exboyfriend who broke my heart and lied to me for a year and a half. i'd say he's the worst thing that ever happened to me. the cats he abandoned i had tried to take with me when i left richmond, but he wouldn't let me (claiming that they were his whole life, and even if he never took care of himself he'd care for them). latkeh, who i was closest to of all the cats in my life, ran away in search of food, never to be seen again. scarlet was left in a coke house and i drove from maine to richmond to pick her up. she lives with me now.)
- ben and i drove down to wooden shoe books so i could get OFF THE MAP by chellis glendinning. as we were leaving to go to a coffee shop to read, we heard a car hit another car. we looked, and it was a car hitting ben's car!!!!! they just bumped it getting out of their parking spot, but they didn't even stop to see if they did any damage. well, you know me and people being rude in cars.
i exploded. i remember banging on the driver's side window and once it was rolled down screaming, "YO THAT'S MY FUCKING CAR YOU HIT!" and the lady saying, "yes, and i didn't do anything to it." (said with a real attitude) so i said, "alright then, why don't you wait while i check and make sure you're right?" and she said,
"no, i don't think i will.", and drove away.
i punched down the whole length of her car as she drove off, (and here is where i forget what happened but ben filled me in), i chased her down the street screaming and shaking my gloved fists in the air, "I HAVE YOUR LISENCE PLATE NUMBER YOU MOTHERFUCKER! 9721 X...." she was gone, the car wasn't even damaged, and i didn't really care beyond that she had been rude, so...
... then we went and had tea.
- after a few minutes of sitting, the phone rings. it's my oldest, dearest friend, ken. he tells me that
a. he is coming to visit me before he goes to JAIL....
b. because a kid we knew in highschool who just got out of prison came over to ken and his roomate's house one night. the kid came out of the woods, all wild and crazy, saying he had been in a car accident. the kid went inside to sit down, ken went to the woods to look for the kid's car. the kid then jumped ken's roomate from behind and slit his throat, but did it wrong and the roomate overpowered the kid. apparently the kid had set it all up, had planned it out to seperate ken and the roomate so he could easily kill them both.
c. the cops then came to ken's house, saw all the drugs, saw the dvd bootlegging business set up there, and got real mad
what a fucking day. oh, and practice got snowed out.
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| assumptions make an ass... |
[21 Jan 2005|12:44am] |
i just got a myspace message from some dude saying we have a bunch in common and should be friends. i checked his profile and he was right, we're both into raw foods (on his shit it says he's mostly raw), lifting, fitness, nutrition, hardcore, etc
so i wrote back and said, "hell yeah!" and asked if he knew much about RAW FOODIST lifting since i'm going raw for at least a month this year. i went on, to keep conversation going and do that whole get-to-know-eachother-thing, about my upcoming education in nutrition and personal training, and how my goal is to be a holistic vegan fitness guru. i told him to keep in touch, and this is part of what i got back:
"Vegan fitness guru? Sorry babe, first you gotta catch me and then pass me. Diet and fitness are the main things that matter to me in life....
I can't say I know a lot specificly about raw foods and lifting, but I know a ton about lifting and eating. Just like any meat eating weight lifter...you need complete protiens. Peanut butter should be your best friend... I could go on forever about this stuff. This is really my life. I drive my band mates, coworkers, mailman, neighbors, friends, students, EVERYONE nuts with this stuff. If you ever have specific questions you can hit me up on AOL instant messenger: xxxxx or give me a call if you ever want to go that far at xxxxxx"
so i repsonded:
"woah this email really stressed me out. please, please do not call me babe. my name's davin. we're not friends like that.
and also, please please don't assume you know more than me about fitness, or lifting. and please don't give advice when i haven't asked. i'm not new to lifting, or being vegan, and i know all about sources of protein. i avoid peanuts because the oils ferment fast and become carcinogenic.
i know you meant no harm, but that really bummed me out. don't make assumptions about what people know and don't know. i know you're really into this as well, but that doesn't mean we're not at the level , you know?
i'm not hatin, just hurt
davin"
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[18 Jan 2005|12:43pm] |
band practice is this saturday and we're going to start learning our first cover...
new aryans by reagan youth
i'm so fucking excited about this band. lyrical dry-spell aside, i haven't felt this excited about my life in a really long time. if only we had a name...
and on a side note, cutting my hair was totally the right decison. look at me! look at me!!!
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[17 Jan 2005|01:19am] |
today i traded one batch of my killer (vegan) oatmeal raisin cookies for:
-a weight bench, complete with chest and leg attachments
-a barbell
-dumbells of various weights
-at least 150-200 pounds of weight in various disks (to be attached to the barbell/attachments)
-a giant gym ball (used for abs, stretching, etc)
i posted an ad under the "wanted items" section of craigslist.com, saying i wanted a weight bench and could pay up to $30, trade crafts, or homemade cookies. i got a few replies asking for money, and then one from a middle aged lady living in the very jewish part of philly offering me all those things above for one batch of my homemade cookies. today the trade was made, and now my life as a serious lifter begins. what i was before ain't shit to what i'm going to do now.
on the drive to her house we went by a church that had a huge sign that read:
WE AIN'T HATIN!
everybody welcome
christian community church
service 8 am sunday
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[16 Jan 2005|12:19am] |
as is so often a theme in my life (not by choice i assure you), i've come into conversations about femayle competition and, indirectly, male identification within hardcore (though these things exist outside of hardcore as well).
i was talking with a friend other day and he was telling (a story i hear so often) about some girl he met who was on one side, posing in her panties on her internet profile, sporting huge, very high-mainentence hair, wearing clownish amounts of makeup, and obviously fronting really hard about how "down" she was and how she'd been around "since day one" (saying something to the effect of "i'm the girl all the other girls want to be"); and on the other side writing a huge thing about girls who front hardcore, pose in their undies on their internet profiles, "slut it up", have "porn hair and makeup" and might as well "go be a proper PORN STAR instead of just toying with the idea" (real quote)
and that kind of shit just really bums me out. i just don't understand what this girl, and all the other people like her, are trying to accomplish. alienating yourself from other girls in an attempt to prove (i'm assuming, to dudes) how YOU'RE different because EVEN though you SEEM a lot like what you're describing, you're so totally not. i think this is obviously a case of "who smelt it dealt it", aka PROJECTING.
girls are so competetive, so scared of eachother. so afraid to be a "slut", to not be "down", to not be "hard". and it's easy to fall into those categories because they're right there, waiting for you accept them as your identity. and yeah, it can be terrifying to try to be something that isn't "choice a, b, or c". there are girls who embrace these categories and think that if they're along side all those dudes making fun of, and dismissing, every last girl in hardcore, somehow they'll be exempt. girls blind themselves to the fact that, even though they can tell a girl to put her clothes on because she's "just a dumb cunt", that if she does the same, she is not exempt from that language and ridicule.
personally, i think you should take yer clothes off if you want to. i question motivations behind such a move, but i understand that sexual validation for femayles is very powerful and very important to some when they're valued for so little else.
i understand overcompensating because you're scared, because you want to be accepted, seen as a hardcore kid, and respected. i understand confining yourself to "toughness" because, if you can succed in that game, you are respected through fear, through someone wanting to associate with you because your type is "so rare". that it FEELS like acceptance, though really you're a novelty.
i think that it's easy to side with the boys so often that you forget that you have a big ol' cunt between your legs. i know i have. it's imporant to realize that it does you no good to discredit other girls, to takes side with forces that work against you, and to bind yourself to one category when you're obviously so much more, to separate yourself from other girls.
i'm not going to say we're all "sisters". i'm not going to say i like all girls. i don't. some people are dumb or cruel, some people i just don't get along with. and that's fine. but i don't think it's cool to talk down on other people who you have so much in common with to make yourself look better. and i'm not just talking about that girl, i think we all do it.
what would it be like if we stopped trying to fit into these molds? if we could be sluts, girlfriends, tough girls, and hardcore kids ALL AT ONCE, and still allow even MORE room for growth, personality, and preference? if we didn't validate ourselves on our mosh, how good some internet dude thought we looked, how many fights we've been in, how many other girls we've kicked out of the scene? what if instead of competing, we talked to eachother? and when we talked, we realized that we had a lot in common, and we became friends?
so, to my fellow hardcore girls:
i'll accept you, and you accept me. let's make room for new girls, and not get too caught up on the ones that suck, because chances are they won't be around long. let's not let hardcore limit us, but instead grow within it. this isn't just some dude's scene, it's ours.
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| this morning is much better |
[14 Jan 2005|01:38pm] |
alright. here's what happened last night...
i THINK there was a shooting in front of my house, and when it happened all the people from the bar went running, and some people cut through the alley by my window, and a couple dudes lingered to see what was happening. (hence the whispering)
then there was a wind storm, but since i was alrady scared, the leaves and garbage blowing around sounded like people outside my window.
i woke ben up and he and i went out into the alley to see what was going on. probably NOT the best idea, but at least it put my mind at ease and i went to sleep.
ALSO, I NEED YOUR HELP. write to me here, or hit me up on email : ulockjusticex@yahoo.com
i'm interested in your relationship with your hair, the way it makes you feel, the connection you have with it. styling it, cutting it, washing or not washing, shaving, growing, locking, your reasons and motivations behind what you do, if you feel like you have a good relationship with your hair, or if you feel trapped by it, defined by it, whatever. and why. feel free to ramble, tell stories, etc.
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| band band band |
[13 Jan 2005|12:55am] |
ben really likes the name POLICE STORY for the band. opinions on that one? (it's named after a black flag song)
next week we're going to start booking our two week tour with our friends OUBLIETTE. it's pretty funny since we don't have a name, a song, or a second guitarist yet, but all will work itself out by summer.
for those interested, here's our lineup right now: ben on drums, me as vocals, tyler on bass (was in a band called kill the witness, is an xvx environmental scientist --he studies pollution-- and it the most positive person i've ever met. says "hella" and surfs. goes to australia to work with aboriginal groups there.), and kelly on guitar (who i don't know well yet...was in a punk band who's name i can't remember, orginally from SLC, a super-rad xvx feminist, shares a favorite animal with me: armadillos. also the friend i dreamed up when i was like 16, another vegan edge hardcore girl who gives a fuck.)
and since everyone is bugging me about pictures of my hair,
( the biggest hair in puppetland )
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| finally |
[11 Jan 2005|12:55pm] |
first band practice is this friday.
we're leaning toward the name HANG IN THERE, opinions?
i like it because it sounds really posi, but we are certainly not a posi band. plus it's like that poster from like 2nd grade of the kitten on the rope, just hangin' in there.
and, if you're feelin like reading, i'd like some feedback on the lyrics i've written.
( hang in there, part one )
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| pro lifers |
[10 Jan 2005|12:49am] |
i'm currently involved in a really silly online abortion debate. i was telling my friend bryan all about the arguements used (such as one person pointing out that babies are basically parasites living off the mother, and the pro lifer said in response, "well, i depend on the grocery store for my food, does that i mean they employess have a right to end my life?") then we got talking of this one specific pro life guy who, a few years ago, i started to fight but at the time i was trying to live a non violent lifestyle, so after i pushed the guy a few times i walked off in a fit of rage and screamed back at him "GET OUT OF MY FACE!" ((it was actually pretty funny, i know the guy was stunned, and i added yet another stupid line to my list of absurb and nonsensical things yelled out while angry.))
bryan said he had some ideas on how to deal with that guy had he been in my position.
i said, "dude, you would have hugged him. you're such a hugger."
and he responded, "yes, and then groped him ...i would have taken it way too far and it would have been uncomfortable for everyone. then i would have explained to him in no uncertain terms that i was totally gay - an absolute queer - and asked him how he likes me now. then i'd try to kiss him, but shit my pants and tell him that i birthed a turd, just like his own mother. then i'll try desperately to stuff the turd back into my ass, inevitably failing.
i'd try to fight him but refuse to use my arms, just run into him over and over with my limp arms by my side, headbutting his chest and taking full blows to the face while screaming "I LOVE YOU!!!" over and over. then i'd pee my pants, and he'd be the REAL loser because he'd be so weirded out and embarassed."
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[08 Jan 2005|04:27am] |
so it's come to my intention that language i use lightly is not taken lightly by others. (see: douche bag, asshole, prick, worthless, etc) i'm now attempting to work on that.
day one with new hair was awesome. i felt it blow in the wind for the first time in years. i forgot how annoying that is.
i totally got laid today and it was totally rad.
i was given a vegan jewish cookzine today. we can finally make matza balls.
i've made this years to-do list. it included: a fast with a colon cleanse, trying both macrobiotic/raw foods diets for awhile, gaining 10 lbs of muscle, taking pippi (one of the cats) to the beach so she can lick shells, and working on anti biotechnology/ pro local/organic projects
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| julio/hair |
[07 Jan 2005|02:11am] |
julio came to visit and i cut 5 dreads.
the one picture of julio and i from this morning. i'm off digital cameras and on to photo booths. for more pictures of my lovely spanish friend and i, see my fridge.
( i cut my hair. I CUT MY HAIR!!! AHHHHH!! )
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| PATH OF RESISTANCE SHOW |
[04 Jan 2005|02:11am] |
this weekend was so amazing. on new years day it was 61 degrees here in philly. we woke up early, rode in t shirts to the health food store, then got a giant meal and ate outside with our friends. short sleeves in january!!!!! there had been a parade earlier in the day and all these drunk men in dresses, face paint, and spray painted gold high top sneakers and work boots were stumbling by us, some with open beer, some dripping sweat in a way that only someone who has been drinking 24 hours straight can. one came over to me and asked if he could have some of my tattoos, so we rubbed forearms and he walked off yelling, "i'm BADASS!!!!"
from there we headed up to syracuse (where we stayed the night before the show). we met up with the kids who we were staying with (all 20 of them) in a grocery store then headed to the house we stayed at. the place was HUGE, 3 bedrooms, huge kitchen, work out room. the kid who lived there asked me how much i though he payed. i figured about $1000, maybe more, but the correct answer was $450. unreal.
the house that night was so much fun. 25 vegan straight edge kids from all over the world (italy, spain, norway, nyc, philly) in sleeping bags, singing 80's hair metal, catching up on old gossip, making new friends.... it was seriously like what i dreamed about when i was 16 and 17. so many old friends, and new friends, and internet friends come to life. i met a girl from london who said "skaghead" and i had no idea what she meant, and when i asked her to define it she said "skallywag". i also learned (and forgot) how to say shit in like 7 different ways in norweigan.
now, what you actually care about if you've even read this far, the PATH OF RESISTANCE SHOW. after a long night of listening to other people snore, we headed to henrietta for the show. it was held in a giant skate park, which was cool because it was huge, but had drawbacks, like the giant pyramid in the middle of dance floor. (which, over the course of the night, many many kids - including myself - tried to dance on and jump off of with very little success) we got there as the australian band SHOTPOINTBLANK played, and i honestly don't remember what they sounded like. TO KILL from italy played next, they were really good, lots of energy, awesome accents, lots of being vegan and edge.
LOVE IS RED was next, and i've never seen/heard them before. i thought they sounded like a really bad shai hulud rip off done really poorly, i have no idea how that band has gotten big. the only good thing they did, which turned out to be one of the high points of the night for me, was play a TRIAL cover. fucking trial, what kind of awesome taste is that? i was so excited, i ran down from where i was so fast that i got dizzy, saw spots, and almost threw up.
AMENDMENT 18 broke up so they didn't play, and ENSIGN canceled so they didn't either, so OUTBREAK was up next. it's really funny to me to see those kids getting so big. they had some of the best reaction of the night, and some of the kids there came only to see them. personally i think that you should not go to the path of resistance reunion to see OUTBREAK. i've never been into them at all and every time i see them they're painfully sloppy, but this time they played really well and were actually pretty fun to watch.
i don't totally remember the order, but i think CHAMPION played next. i'd never heard/seen them before either, just heard the hype. they were pretty good. really generic, but really good at being generic. i can totally see why kids love them, if i knew the words and could have gotten more involved with it i think i would have liked them a lot more.
MOST PRECIOUS BLOOD. now. here's a story. as you know, rob from one king down sings for them now. and, as you also know, it was a one king down song that inspired me to go vegan over 7 years ago. since then, i've been planning to tell rob about how his words had changed me, to thank him for believing in something important, giving voice to it, and articulating it in a way that i could understand. right before they played, i found out from their roadie that he is not vegan anymore. it's not really a suprise to me when people sell out on straight edge, and some people on veganism, but it just seems like people like him would never do that. being vegan is not hard. even when you're touring, traveling, or poor. it's not really a big deal. so i was really fucking angry, and really disappointed, to hear that someone who i've admired for so long was just another selfish sellout prick.
so they played, and it was alright. rachael (guitar) is on tour with WAGE OF SIN so they weren't real thick, and rob king down is a useless sellout piece of shit who acts like a rock star on stage.
THE PROMISE played, and that's when i was all tuckered out and had to eat, so i only kinda saw their set. i want to like them more than i do. they don't really break any new ground, but they love being straight edge which is always cool.
A PERFECT MURDER played after that. they were pretty out of place with all those bands promoting "a non violent hardcore community". the singer, who was a MONSTER of a man in a wife beater with a hoody tied around his waist, said "motherfucker" about every other word. i'm pretty sure the goal of that band is to make music for people to "get sick" to, and get sick they did. those motherfuckers got so, so sick. about halfway through their set the singer said,
"alright. it looks like there's a lot of girls out there in the pit, you guys need to get in there and take it back."
i yelled, "FUCK YOU THAT'S NOT COOL!!!!", and later had conversations about how if he had said, "alright, it looks like there's a lot of negros out there, the whites need to get in there and take it back", kids would have beaten the shit out of him, and how it confuses me to no end how kids are (at least on some levels) willing to see racism, but not sexism, even though women make up 51% of the world.
so fuck that band too. i won't support racist bands and i won't support sexist bands.
i was pretty irritated after that, but then BANE played!!! i love bane!!!! it was awesome!!!! they are always amazing. always. they are about to record a new record, and by the sounds of things, tour with that and then break up. it's really sad to think of bane calling it quits, but when you've been a band as long as they have i supposed there's only so far you can go.
after that was DAMNATION AD's reunion which was pretty rad. i was never a huge fan of theirs but they played really well. i haven't heard them since the 90's so i was feeling like i had taken a ride in a time machine, and it was funny to listen to breakdowns that sounded so hard to me just a few years ago and now aren't memorable in any way.
and then... PATH OF RESISTANCE played!!! that was SO fun. it was really cool to see such a monumental band, especially surrounded by all these kids who traveled from so far away and were just as excited as i was. it was funny to see carl in person for the first time, a living hardcore legend. there were no fights during the entire show. it was the kinda show where no one really danced because everyone was up front piling on eachother, high fiving in the middle of songs, putting their arms around the kids next to them and screaming the lyrics to each and every song. it gave me goosebumps.
right before most precious blood played, john mckaig (the guy who set up the show) gave a fucking amazing speech that brought tears to my eyes. as was pretty much the feeling of the night and what most of the bands talked about in some way or another, he spoke about hardcore as a vehicle for ideas. about how it isn't just about the superficial shit, or even just about being vegan or straight edge, how it goes even deeper, into finding respect for everyone. for women. all animals. the earth. it was really moving.
it's shows like this one that make me remember why i'm still here. how even though it's a struggle to remain in hardcore sometimes, with all the new kids who don't get it, with all the ignorance that's become the new black in the scene, with all the disrespect i get after a decade of being here just because i have a pair of tits, with all the fights, the sellouts, the shitty fucking bands and the months and years between something really original and rad coming out, even though all that shit happens, in the end, it's all worth it. someone at the show, i don't know who, said, "contrary to what some of you think, this is not a SCENE, it's a COMMUNITY" and i really felt that this weekend.
i didn't take any pictures because i was too busy having fun, but when it was all over and i was back at my house, i took a picture of the only souvenir i have from the show....
 ....some fading x's from the best show of 2005.
"i can still see the reason why i opened my eyes to this scene in the first place, i can still feel my beiefs growing stronger everyday!" -bane
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[01 Jan 2005|11:57am] |
I SLEPT THROUGH NEW YEARS. i ususally go to bed at 4 am, but for some reason last night i fell asleep at 11 pm and totally slept through new years. ben woke me up at 12:01 to kiss me and remind me to say "rabbit rabbit" (it's good luck to say rabbit rabbit first thing on the first of the month). i wish i had been able to go out partying, but the only thing we were invited to was a sipping soda and chatting sort of thing, and i'm more of a get into tiny, sparkly clothing and fake hair and hitting the club sort of person, so i don't really feel like i missed anything.
PATH OF RESISTANCE. in about and hour we're heading up north 5 1/2 hours to henrietta, ny to go see the path of resistance/bane/ensign/comeback kid/most precious blood/etc... it's gonna be so fucking killer. after that, julio and cliff and coming to hang out in philly for a few days and i can't wait!
FOOD STAMPS. as of today i have $149 to buy food this month. silk noggggggggggggggg!!!!!!
alright kids, time to shower and get dressed, i'll post pictures when i get back!
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| never sleeping |
[30 Dec 2004|10:45pm] |
i'm so tired. a quick update.
clif came to visit for a day and two night, which was totally rad. (see pictures below)
this weekend dean, clif, chris x, ben, and myself are going to path of resistance in ny to meet up with so many friends from so many state/countries it's fucking insane. i haven't seen bane in years so this weekend is going to be really fun.
ben and i had the best sex ever today. like: 3 times in a row, sweaty, and dirty as all hell.
the band is almost all put together, by next week i think we'll have all the members and hopefully the week after be practicing.
my 2004 new years resolution was to learn how to click my heals, and i succeeding in doing so last month. i have no idea what 2005's resolution will be, i'm starting to worry. anyone else thought of any?
( richmond does philly )
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[28 Dec 2004|12:50pm] |
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mood |
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stomach ache. flu? |
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biggie smalls |
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i always ask cashiers how their days are going. cashiering is such a boring job. even though you're in contact with a lot of people, you never really get to talk to them. people treat you like an extension of the cash register, another piece of the machine, and expect you not to exhibit any human traits, and if you do, it's in "very poor taste" and "unprofessional".
the CORRECT answer to "how are you?", is "i'm doing great, yourself?"
reality is, usually people aren't doing great at all. i have few very "great" days, and i can tell you now, they are never at work. great days are summer days out of town with new friends, coffee dates with best friends, sex 5 times in a day and laying for 7 hours straight kissing and caressing, a day at the beach followed by a really great mango/raspberry popsicle. pushing buttons repeatedly, slowly causing tendonitis, being held back from how you can/can't act because of the invisible but powerful forcefield of "i'm getting paid for this" even when someone is cursing you out or treating you as if you're total garbage, is not great. personally, i'm not interested in fronting emotions i don't feel, or pretending my job is lovely when in fact, i feel isolated, ignored, bored, etc. i usually say, "eh.. i'm alright.", or "i'll be better in 6 hours when i get out!"
to date, i've never had another cashier say anything of that nature to me, until this week.
first, at the fresh grocer. my cashier was yelling at her manager while she was ringing me up. she stopped to tell me my total, her manager walked off, and i asked what was going on. (i love a story) she told me they were cutting her pay.
"i ain't standing here for no $6.50 an hour. i'm not getting bossed around for $6.50. hell no i'm not. would you? you wouldn't would you, for $6.50 an hour?"
i laughed and said no. as i walked out the door she was screaming across the store, "i'm leavin! i'm going home! i ain't stayin here!!!!"
then at the bank a few days later. i gave the teller my deposit, she silently started processing everything without even looking up. i asked her how her day was going, and she stopped, looked up at me and said, "not good." i asked why, and she said, "i hate working here. i hate this job. i hate it." she kept processing my shit. i asked if it was a bad company to work for, and she rolled her eyes and said "yeahhhhh", i asked if her pay made up for it, and she laughed sarcasticlly and said, "no."
natural food store last night. i asked, as usual, how her day was going. "not well, i think i'm getting sick." i wished her well, and left.
i enjoy hearing the truth, i enjoy the rebellion it took these people to act like the people they actually are.
it's shitty how we're so separated from eachother that in everyday life, even when face to face when one another, we can't speak the truths of our humanity. when business and money get in the way of conversation and relations between two people, who by all means should be free to say they're angry, sick, happy, doing alright, mediocre, whatever. that we so easily fall into rolls of "cashier" and "customer", and ignore that there is more than a "transaction" is taking place. why are we so uncomfortable with eachother that the only way we feel safe interacting with strangers is if they are viewed as part of the machine, part of the company, a piece of the register?
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| pippi always needs a pillow |
[26 Dec 2004|08:48pm] |
i think i'm done being friends only. maybe i'll make some new friends through this shit.
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xgoldteethx's journal